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Narcissism: Narcissists only suffer from the abyss

Narcissism: Narcissists only suffer from the abyss

Narcissists live well with their disorder for a long time

It is not uncommon for people with narcissistic disorders to live without restrictions for a long time. But at some point the personality disorder can severely limit the lives of those affected. Many affected people take refuge in addictions, experience increasing stress or become lonely because they can no longer be endured by others. But where can narcissists get help if they “always consider themselves the best” because of their disorder and how can such a mental disorder be recognized?

No feeling of guilt despite the accident
The wife asked her husband to slow down a little while driving in the car together. The husband then drove even faster. "I don't let it dictate how fast or slow I should go," thought the man. Shortly afterwards the vehicle overturned. While the husband was in shock, his wife was seriously injured. After numerous operations, the patient was still suffering from severe pain. The face was also badly disfigured. The husband despaired of the situation. He sought advice from a therapist. When the psychotherapist asks why he asked for help, the man says with tears in his eyes: "How do I stand there now, with a woman with whom I now have to be ashamed?"

A lot of self-pity and insult
This short story is an extract from Reinhard Haller's new book. The author is a psychotherapist himself and deals with the topic of narcissism. At first glance, those affected are often fascinating. You can quickly inspire other people and take up a lot of space. It is not uncommon for patients to be able to take others on. But when you get to know each other better, people often experience disappointments. They encounter selfishness and emotional coldness among narcissists. In doing so, they take no account of others. If they feel offended, they remain silent for days or weeks. Self-pity, on the other hand, has no limits.

On the other hand, if there weren't people who would have acted narcissistically, today's world would very likely look very different. Great inventions or record sporting achievements would not have been accomplished. But far fewer people would have committed suicide and would still be alive today. Some dictatorships would not have taken place and many family tragedies would never have happened. Because people with this disorder look for recognition, power and fame. Losses of others do not matter.

Outside, narcissists seem self-confident, they can and know everything better, are performance-oriented. They know how to behave and do hobbies where most would decline. The so-called "pedantic narcissist" can hardly be assessed. He keeps asking questions, always wanting advice and never taking any chances.

How does a narcissistic disorder come about?
Where does this disorder come from? Gritli Bertram, social pedagogue and therapist from Hanover says: “The narcissistic personality disorder is a so-called early disorder, which already occurs in the early bond / relationship with the mother. Due to the lack of emotional fit between mother and child, a healthy self could not be developed. "

Narcissism and addiction are very similar. Addictions and narcissism begin in company and often end in absolute loneliness. Because on the side of a narcissist, many people can hardly stand it. While the addict craves drugs, the narcissist is addicted to self-affirmation. What symptoms can laypeople or sufferers recognize? Bertram: “Narcissistically disturbed” patients who see a therapist often have no symptoms that they can name specifically. A feeling of emptiness arises in you. This feeling cannot be filled with great success either. You often feel depressed. Life seems meaningless to the person concerned. Again and again he suffers from injuries and quickly feels neglected. On the other hand, he often feels great himself or describes his own parents as great. His relationships are always broken. "

Not curable but soothing
Unfortunately, a narcissistic personality disorder is not curable. In the course of therapy, however, the ability to criticize and empathy can be worked on. Those affected have to seek specific help. However, most people only take advantage of the help when they are on the brink of abyss. Because before that, life was beautiful. (sb)

Image: sokaeiko / pixelio.de

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